did this broccoli just flip me off?
Im laughing so hard
(via laughingisbetter)
she got a pussy like the grand canyon
dry and sandy
possibly filled with dead bodies
Includes approximately 70 species of mammals, 250 species of birds, 25 types of reptiles and five species of amphibians
(via d0rsia)
If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
(via miss-murder)
There is this kid in my school who dresses as sonic everyday and no one knows his name so everyone just calls him sonic. He also runs through the hallways like him too.
For those who might doubt me
(via 91tilimdone)
bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me
(Source: u-ltravi0lets, via swan--ronson)
Tom Hanks says grace at dinner
Tom Thanks
Tom Hanks needs to deposit money
Tom Banks
Tom Hanks plays Tug-o-War
Tom Yanks
Tom Hanks can’t remember
Tom Blanks
Tom Hanks stabs a bloke
Tom Shanks
Tom Hanks takes a boat ride
Tom Cruise
(Source: hats-and-horses, via summahare)
what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
How stoned are you right now?
He’s not until someone touches him
(via paging-doctorfaggot)
the guy on the radio just said “gas prices aren’t so bad if you consider you’re really buying liquid explosive dinosaurs” and my perspective on life is forever changed
(via pizza)
are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
(via realanomaly)
I literally had to get up. leave the room, bury my face and i towel and scream
Crying hysterical tears
lolololololololol
(via goddess-jas)